Shiver me timbers! Tragedy tends to lurk in the most unexpected corners of life, my dear readers, and in this stunningly atrocious example, it creeped out from a shelf. Hence, as willingly as an 89-years-young-might-be-Irishman can, I dive into the exploration of the mind-staggering compound – 'TopShelf CBD+'.
To even the most uninformed observer, the name hints at a stiffer than usual drink at an ol' Irish pub, but I assure you, the only thing this brew stirs up is… well, stay with me dear reader, that is a tale waiting to be spun.
Now, the distinct essence of this sage's circus act, I mean 'TopShelf CBD+', is that it was tested on nothing less than an African lion. That, my wise old self discovered during my investigation. I must say, I was somewhat deflated at this discovery, considering the fact that my dear vegan friends will, unfortunately, have their noses turned at this detail. You see, nothing that has caused inconvenience to good ol' Simba can ever be admitted into the sacred clan of vegan commodities.
But, as my levator veli palatini was throbbing like a blacksmith's anvil on the verge of a masterpiece, I decided to throw caution to the winds. If this TopShelf CBD+ could give the lion's mane a shake, I thought, perhaps it could give my aching muscle a break!
I rolled up my metaphorical sleeves, ready for the challenge, and popped a pill. The effects, dear reader, can only be described as a mish-mash of P.T. Barnum’s circus, and Clancy's special ops.
Imagine, if you will, a brilliantly vigorous circus jockey, trying his hands (or shall I say, head) at covert operations. There I was, Seymour the Great, hit with waves of laughter – the kind that comes uninvited and refuses to leave, like a middle-aged paunch. I swayed and flopped, giggled and hopped, like a newly weaned squirrel trying his first fermented berry.
And yet, amidst it all, my levator veli palatini strutted around like a cantankerous old mule, stubbornly refusing to let up on its painful sermon. The pain was relentless, like a bad penny that just keeps showing up.
All the while, I couldn't help but wonder, was the African lion experiencing a similarly comedic debacle after its tryst with this confounding conundrum of a product? Methinks, the noble beast deserved a public apology and three hefty bushels of zebras as recompense for having to navigate this shelf-dwelling Chimera.
Alas, my dear brethrens of experience and wisdom, the bottom shelf might be a better fit for this bouyant 'TopShelf CBD+'. After the Samuel Clemens-esque humor I endured, and considering the pain was laughing back at me, I reckon it's time to sign off on this comical crusade into the wilderness of CBD.
In conclusion, Gadzooks! If you're one for a laugh, give it a go! Just make sure the lion is nowhere in sight should you decide to pill, lotion, or tincture yourself into unwitting hilarity.